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  Written By: Melainie

Top 10 Worst Baby Products Ever!

These are products I have come across that seem absurd or ridiculous to me, but it is only my personal opinion. For a list of my five favorite baby products read Worth the Money.

10) Thudguard Baby Helmet: I understand the importance of safety for our children, but
there is a point where a parent can be detrimentally protective. I doubt my daughter would
be complacent if I tried to keep a helmet on her head all day. It looks annoying and in the way of the child’s vision, plus it prevents kids from learning to be careful. If you have one of these, I understand you are just trying to protect your child, but it isn’t something I would put on my baby.baby helmet

 

9) Baby Toupeebaby toupee- Speaking of baby’s head, how about a baby toupee for those poor bald babies with low self-esteem. Yes, it is a real product you can buy and I can prove it. The mission statement says parenting can be a source of amusement- great let’s dress our children up and then make fun of them. Below is a funny commercial for baby toupee’s from SNL.

 

8) Heelarious- Baby’s first High Heels: heelarious shoes for babyWhile we are on the topic of comedy at our child’s expense why don’t we throw on a pair of baby heels? Poor child is having a hard enough time learning how to walk without adding the difficulty of walking in heels too. Hmmm, what if we combined all three- safety hat with a Lil’ Kim wig underneath and some baby heels- good clean comedy for parents. Seriously, do we really need to push fashion extremes onto babies? You can find out more by visiting the Heelarious site.

 

7) Baby Cologne- Yep we are trying to turn the baby into a miniature adult. I love newborn baby smell and can’t imagine wanting to cover that up using chemicals that could be dangerous for the baby.I don’t understand how this product hasn’t bombed yet, but apparently you can still purchase it because here it is: Johnson’s Baby Cologne

baby cologne
6) Daddle- This is a saddle for horseback riding on dad’s back. So, now that we have made
fun of our children I guess it’s their turn to get revenge by subjugating daddy to
humiliating servitude. If only it came with a riding crop to keep daddy in line. You can get one of these at daddle.comdaddle
5) Baby Mop- Your baby can clean for you as they crawl around on your dirty floor. My baby would never go for this because she hates to lay on her belly, but even if she would, it would be disgusting to do that to her. Yuck, I would not do this myself, much less subject my baby (who doesn’t have a strong immune system yet) to mop the floor with her face so close to the dirt. I’m not sure if this is actually a real product or a practical joke though.baby mop

 

4) Nosefrida The Snotsucker

- snotsuckerThis is exactly what it sounds like, and very disgusting. Hey parents, don’t let your child suffer from their virus or sinus infection alone. Now you can share the symptoms by sucking their nose snot right into your own mouth and thereby getting the same illness. This product is so gross, I can’t believe anyone would want to purchase it.

 

3) Infant Inflatable Neck Ring-

infant inflatable neck ringThis product sounds more dangerous than it probable is in
reality. I’m not sure how it works without putting a strain on the baby, and the babies in the images I found do not look very happy to me. Why don’t the parents just hold their baby in the water, especially newborn babies? Or better yet, wait until the baby is old enough for more conventional floaties. I mean, look at that poor little baby, that looks very uncomfortable.

 

 

2) Window Cage- This product has become a popular joke since it’s debut in TIME magazine’s Worst Inventions article. Another name brand for the baby cage is the Boggins’ Open-Air Sleeping Compartment, a.k.a. window crib, and it is as dangerous as it sounds. I wonder how much the babies got pooped on by pigeons. Also, make sure you secure it well if your apartment is far from the ground because baby won’t survive a fall. But wait, there is a product worse than this!

Baby Cage

 

1) Psychoactive Medicine for Babies- In our never ending quest to silence our screaming children many brands of opiate-containing medicines were popular in the 19th century and marketed as a cure-all for babies. Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup was a common medication for fussy infants that contained morphine. It was lately believed to be the cause of many infant deaths due to morphine overdose. Another common medication for babies called Stickney and Poor’s Paregoric contained opium and 92 proof alcohol, and was commonly used to help babies sleep better (sometimes to never wake up) as a cure for colic, teething, or croup.

Paregoric for babiesParegoric dosageBaby medicine ad

Have you seen any ridiculous baby products that you think should be included? Leave a comment and tell us about your worst baby product ever.

Melainie (206 Posts)

Author Bio: As a new mother, I wanted to know everything I could about parenting but it was difficult to sift through the web for real experiences and motherly knowledge on parenting. I hoped to make My Baby Experience an informative site for all those who are expecting or are parents themselves. Whenever I find good resources for us parents, I try to share them so we can all benefit. I hope you enjoy and contribute!


  

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24 Responses to “Top 10 Worst Baby Products”

  • Alena says:

    I actually own a Nosefrida and I would recommend it to any new mother. It is not nearly as bad as many people think it is – nothing actually ends up in your mouth. There is a long plastic tube with a sponge filter at the end, and then another long tube between your baby’s nose and your mouth. When I used it, nothing even reached the filter, let alone the second tube.

    This product might not be hard to use at times (you need strong lungs), but it is SO MUCH BETTER than a regular bulb aspirator. At least that’s how it is for me.

    • Melainie says:

      Well, I have to admit I am completely ignorant of all of these products. Thanks for sharing your perspective. This isn’t something I would want to use because the idea seems gross to me. When I worked in the medical lab sputum was the most disgusting specimen to work with, and I was trained from the beginning to always use the ventilation hood. I guess my disgust for the product may stem from that experience.

    • Bp says:

      We have a nosefrida too. It’s quite effective but I still can’t use it without gagging. Just showing it to me is enough to trigger the gag reflex. Nosefrida is not for the squeamish.

      The baby mop would be useful though.

      I think they make a product similar to the Daddle in adult sizes too, but I think those are sold in different types of stores but they DO come with a riding crop.

  • Meg says:

    Lol! This post is too funny. While I don’t have a product to add to your list, I would like to say I had never heard of any of these. :)

    This isn’t from my blog, but I thought you might find this post humorous: http://www.mamapop.com/2009/12/the-worst-baby-products-or-are-they.html

    • Melainie says:

      Thanks for sharing! That post was very funny, and the “hands” were a little too creepy for me. I love your blog- I am a small town girl myself. Your baby is so adorable too!

  • Elisa says:

    That window cage! Oh my gosh!!!! So crazy lol.
    Pigeon poop ;)

  • Tasha says:

    The baby helmet thing cracks me up! My daughter probably could have used that! Poor thing, but it’s all apart of the learning process.

    I don’t have anything to add really, but I will say that I HATE the Baby leashes, but that’s my own personal gripe! Thanks for the funny article!

    • Melainie says:

      I am not a fan of baby leashes either, and I almost added that to the list. Hopefully, when my daughter is able to run around, she will have enough respect for me that I won’t need a leash. Glad you enjoyed and thanks for the input!

  • Baby Boy Bedding says:

    Your top five favorite baby products are awesome. Like all of those lists also. And with regards to these worst products you think, what made me think of being worst is the “window cage”. Really crazy..

    • Melainie says:

      I know! It was hard to believe people could be that ignorant, but I suppose in the future people will look back and say the same about our generation too. Thanks for stopping by!

  • aden gt 86 says:

    it’s very cute “Thudguard Baby Helmet”

  • Bibs says:

    Wow, just…wow! Some of these ideas amaze me that anyone even thought to make them! Babies can be tough but they aren’t a science experiment, some nappies, clothes and a bib and you’re good to go!

  • Caroline says:

    Bahahah! These are hilarious! I’ve seen the snot sucker at buybuybaby, but some of these seem downright dangerous!

  • mk says:

    Baby cologne?? you’ve got to be kidding me!! we have enough chemicals around us, and now johnson/johnson is still persistent in offering it for parents to use on their babies? this should be stopped

    PS: take a break with this quick laugh :-) our baby daughter cries after watching another crying on TV :’(

    • Melainie says:

      I know and I love the way my baby smells. I will check out your baby’s video ASAP! It’s amazing how much babies are in tune to others emotions.

      • mk says:

        Even if you sometimes get upset in front of them, they tend to react with you by turning on a sad face or even crying. They are cute bunches I must say, yet can’t wait for my daughter to start saying ‘baba’ ‘mama’ :) . How old is your baby?

  • Milly Jack says:

    So cute! Haha :)

  • Jenna says:

    My God these products are unbelievable! SO bizzare!!! Great article.

  • Maria says:

    the window cage ought to be the worst product. i wonder if people really use it.

  • Kate says:

    I find this incredibly amusing!! Particularly the toupee and snot sucker.

    Great blog, I’ll be sure to follow you point forward!

    Kate

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